Women's Devo | February 2022

John 3:15-16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Growing up as a child, I never knew what love was. At a young age, my mother had a nervous breakdown. I remember that day very well, as she began screaming her pastor’s name. The days following her incident, she would verbally and physically abuse me. Many times, she would excessively whip me, and I had no understanding as to why. To escape, I would run away and spend time with the wrong people that had no true love for me; although I thought they did. This led me to marry at an early age, desperate to separate myself from my mother.

My mother had taken my sister and I to church where I remembered her taking us to the altar to call on Jesus. We were instructed to repeatedly call on Jesus which we called a “tarrying service”. I didn’t understand why we had to just say, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” and not actually tell Him what we wanted. However, anytime I questioned that, it would upset my mother. Trusting others was a challenge as I constantly encountered people that pretended to care but never truly did. I simply believed that I wasn’t capable of being loved, regardless of how many times I heard Jesus loved me in church.

 It was hard to grasp that someone loved me when I was constantly being hurt. This led to a deep internal withdrawal as I began building up walls to protect myself. Some years later, someone spoke into my life as they said to me, “You are a mighty woman of God.” Initially, I rejected this and could not accept that because I saw myself as a mess.

I eventually hit my breaking point and came to the realization that I needed to go to counseling. The counselor helped me to focus less on others and more on dealing with myself and my actions. Now, I’ve made a choice to believe what God says about me. His word says He loves me, and I’ve finally accepted that.  I make a choice as to whether I’m going to believe what God says about me or whether I’m going to believe what my past says about me. Because His Word is true, I rehearse what Scripture says when I battle opposing thoughts from my past. I’ve learned that you can be in church for years and still struggle with truly knowing the love of God, but because I have received His forgiveness and unconditional love, old things are passed away and behold all things are created new.

Now, my goal is simply to love the Lord with all my heart. I have sincerely forgiven my mother along with everyone who hurt me. That’s something no one could have helped me get through but God. I choose to believe God’s Word. Thanks be unto God who giveth me the victory over my past.

Patricia Capers is the wife of Bishop Leroy Capers, who has pastored Gates of Praise Church of God for 31 years. They have been married for 38 years and have 6 children, 2 daughters-in-law and 5 grandchildren.  In her spare time she enjoys fellowship and event decorating.